Surviving Life’s Challenges: Letting Go, Facing Fears, and Embracing Change

Surviving isn’t just about making it through the day. It’s about knowing what’s truly important, letting go of what no longer helps you, and moving forward, even when things feel uncertain. Over the years, I’ve learned that true survival is about facing fears, letting go of things that hold you back, and being ready to adapt to change when it comes. I’ve been through my own journey, and I want to share how you can do the same.

Let Go of What’s Holding You Back

We all hold on to things that quietly weigh us down—old jobs, relationships, even patterns of thinking that once felt safe but now just keep us stuck. I used to do the same. I clung to things because they gave me a sense of control or comfort, even when they were hurting me. But the truth is, anything that costs your peace will eventually cost you more than it's worth—especially when the pain is coming from those closest to you.

When I began releasing what no longer supported my growth, I could finally breathe. It wasn’t easy. But it was necessary.

Ask yourself gently: what are you still holding onto out of habit or fear? Maybe it’s a belief that keeps you small. Maybe it’s a relationship that drains you. Letting go isn’t about blame—it’s about making space. When we release what doesn’t align, we invite in what does.

I remember being in college in my 20s. My mom used to call me almost every day—not to check in, but to vent, criticize, or complain. It had always been like that growing up, so I didn’t question it at first. But eventually, I started noticing something deeper. Every time the phone rang, I’d get this tight feeling in my stomach. My body was trying to speak to me.

As I listened more closely, I realized that her energy left me feeling heavy and off-center. I started to see the patterns: how she tried to control the choices my brothers and I made, and how things would spiral if we didn’t fall in line. I wasn’t free to be myself around her, only the version of me she approved of.

Over time, I accepted a hard truth: our frequencies no longer matched. The :version of me she wanted to keep close was rooted in her comfort, not my truth. So, with compassion but clear boundaries, I chose distance. Not out of anger—but because I needed room to become the person I’m here to be.

Letting go didn’t mean I stopped loving her. It meant I started loving myself enough to grow.

Facing Your Fears: It’s Normal, But Don’t Let Them Control You

Fear shows up in all of our lives. It’s that uneasy feeling in your chest when you’re about to make a big move or try something new. I’ve felt it more times than I can count. And honestly, there were moments where I almost let it stop me.

But over time, I noticed something: fear isn’t always a warning that you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just your body saying, “Hey, we’ve never been here before.” It’s a sign that growth is right around the corner.

One of the biggest moments in my life where I had to face fear head-on was when I moved from Ohio to Los Angeles. I didn’t have family support or a safety net. Just a job offer at 24-Hour Fitness, a car full of my things, and $500 to my name.

That money paid for one week in a motel. I had no housing lined up. No backup plan. By midweek, the fear started creeping in. I won't be paid until 2-weeks, and I was supposed to be out of the motel by Sunday. I remember thinking, “I might have to go back to Ohio. I might not make it.”

Then I remembered something that gave me a little peace—Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That verse helped me breathe and release control over the situation. I had to stop trying to force things and start trusting that life would meet me halfway.

And it did.

That Friday, I saw a listing for a room: $750/month, two roommates, nothing fancy—but it looked like a lifeline. I met with the owner the next day. We talked, and I shared my situation. Without blinking, he told me I could move in—no deposit, no pressure. Just focus on getting back on my feet. I could pay him once the paychecks started coming in.

If I had let fear win, I would’ve packed up and driven right back to Ohio. But I stayed. I chose to trust—not just in myself, but in something bigger. That choice changed everything.

What I’ve learned is this: fear doesn’t always mean stop. Sometimes it just means pause, listen, and keep going anyway. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up with the trust that what you need will come, even if it doesn’t look the way you imagined.

What really holds us back is hesitation, and the longer we hesitate to make a decision it quickly will paralyze us with fear and unable to move. You have to ask yourself, what if this decision or outcome turns out better than I anticipated? What if what I am scared of the outcome, and that outcome doesn't actually happen. 

From my own experience, I’ve noticed something: the way fear makes me expect things to go wrong almost never matches what actually happens. In fact, most of the time, things turn out way better than I imagined.

So now, when I catch myself hesitating, I stop and ask—what’s really the worst that could happen? Maybe someone says “no.” And if that’s the worst outcome, is that really something to be afraid of?

What if it’s a yes instead? More often than not, it has been. And that simple shift—being unattached to the outcome—has made all the difference.

 

Adaptability: How to Stay Strong When Life Changes

Life is always moving. Things shift, plans fall through, people grow apart. We don’t always get a say in what happens next, and that can feel unsettling. But one thing we do have power over is how we respond.

I’ve learned that adaptability isn’t about pretending everything’s fine or forcing yourself to be okay with what’s not. It’s about being honest with where you’re at and staying open to adjusting your approach. When something stops working, you don’t have to keep forcing it—you can pivot. And more often than not, that’s where the real growth begins.

Here’s something I had to sit with: most of us think of change as something happening outside of us—moving, switching jobs, ending relationships. And yes, those things are real. But the deeper, more lasting kind of change? That happens inside.

It starts when you realize your thoughts, beliefs, and habits might be holding you back—not because you’re broken, but because they were shaped in environments where you had to survive, not thrive. Many of us learned early on to shrink, overextend, stay quiet, or take up space in ways that weren’t really us… just what was needed to get by.

And those parts of us? They helped us survive the hard stuff. But they weren’t built for the life we’re growing into. At some point, we have to set down the armor. We have to let go of the patterns that kept us safe so we can step into the version of ourselves that feels real, free, and grounded.

True change is learning to recognize when certain behaviors or beliefs no longer serve us—and choosing to replace them with ones that do. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being willing.

You’ve probably heard someone say, “That’s just the way I am,” as a way to brush off accountability. It sounds harmless, but it’s really a wall. It says, I know this might hurt people, but I’m not interested in doing it differently. That kind of thinking shuts down growth—for them, and often for the people around them.

The truth is, we all get to decide who we become. And if someone isn’t open to growth, that’s their choice. But you’re not required to shrink yourself to stay in that kind of space.

Growth starts the moment you stop running from change and start letting it refine you—from the inside out.

Doing the Hard Work: Facing Your Shadows

We all carry things we’d rather not look at—old wounds, fears, habits that keep us stuck in the same loop. And no matter how much we try to push them down or pretend they don’t affect us, they still shape how we show up in life.

This is where shadow work comes in. It’s the practice of turning inward and getting honest about the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide or silence. Not to judge them—but to understand them, and eventually, grow beyond them.

It’s not easy work. It asks you to face the parts of yourself that are messy, tender, or uncomfortable. But it’s necessary. You can’t create lasting change or real freedom without doing this kind of deep inner cleanup. Think of it like clearing out a closet—you can’t make room for what’s new if you won’t even look at what’s buried in the back.

For me, one of my biggest shadows was staying silent.

I learned early on that speaking up—especially about something that hurt me—wasn’t safe. If I named how someone’s actions affected me, I’d be met with shame, defensiveness, or anger. So over time, I stopped speaking. I swallowed my truth to keep the peace on the outside, even though it was costing me peace on the inside.

And when the pain built up too much, I’d just disappear. I thought if I couldn’t express myself without being punished, my only option was to leave.

It took a long time to realize that avoiding conflict wasn’t the same as keeping peace—it was just another form of survival. True peace comes from being able to stand in your truth without fearing how others might react. It means understanding that their emotional response doesn’t make your experience less valid.

Now I know that speaking up—when done with care and clarity—is not only healthy for me, it gives others the opportunity to grow too. By hiding my truth, I was stunting my own healing. And maybe even theirs.

Shadow work is about reclaiming those lost parts of yourself, especially the ones that got shut down in order to survive. It’s the kind of work that changes everything—not all at once, but moment by moment, as you learn to show up differently.

The Bible speaks directly to this in John 8:32:
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

That freedom isn’t just spiritual—it’s emotional and physical too. When we hold our truth in, especially for the sake of keeping the peace or avoiding discomfort, it doesn’t just disappear. It stays in our bodies, often showing up as tension, anxiety, or even illness.

But the moment we speak our truth—whether it’s naming a hurt, owning a mistake, or simply saying what’s real for us—we release what’s been weighing us down. Even if the truth is messy or hard to say, it's still healing. Speaking it out loud is often the first step toward freedom.

Surviving to Thriving: Living a Life You Can Be Proud Of

Getting by is one thing—truly living is another. Survival mode teaches us how to stay safe, how to keep the peace, and how to push through. But eventually, that way of living starts to feel heavy. Repetitive. Like no matter how hard you try, something’s missing.

Thriving asks something different of us. It asks us to slow down and take a real look at what’s underneath our habits—where they started, who they were protecting, and why we still carry them.

That’s the heart of the shift from surviving to thriving: we can’t fully grow into who we’re meant to be until we understand where our patterns came from. We have to go back to the original moment—the energetic agreement we made, often in childhood—to be a certain way just to be loved, safe, or accepted. If we don’t, we risk repeating the same pattern again and again, passing it down or acting it out in ways that keep us stuck.

I had to do that work myself. One of the clearest moments came with my dad. Growing up, I unconsciously took on the role of the helper, the peacemaker, the one who said “yes” even when I didn’t want to. Especially with him. I saw how little support he had, so I kept saying yes to things I didn’t have the capacity for—because I thought it was my responsibility to carry the weight he couldn't.

But here’s the truth I had to face: every time I stepped in, I was making it easier for him to avoid his own growth. My "yes" made room for others to keep taking from him. And he never learned to set boundaries because I kept cushioning the impact.

For the first time in 35 years, I said “no.” He asked me for help, and I lovingly explained why I couldn’t. I stuck with it, even though it was uncomfortable. And something shifted. He had to face the outcome of his own choices—something I had unknowingly been shielding him from.

That moment set me free. Not because I said no, but because I broke the old agreement I made in childhood—to keep the peace at the cost of my own wellbeing.

You Deserve to Thrive—and You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycles, of saying yes when you mean no, of feeling unseen or stuck—I see you. And you don’t have to carry it by yourself.

Thriving doesn’t mean being perfect. It means living in alignment with who you are now—not who you had to be to survive.

Together, we’ll get to the root of what’s been holding you back, break the patterns you no longer want to carry, and build a life that reflects your truth. One choice at a time.

You’re not broken—you’re becoming. And I’m here to walk with you every step of the way.